Genres: An Article, etc

I was recently accosted by an urge to build my vinyl collection. Convincing myself my overdraft could take the hit, I set about the odious task of finding some new music that doesn’t completely suck arse. Instinctively, I turn to dubstep. Perhaps my first mistake, as half the genre appears to sample the electrical signal generated by an unplugged guitar lead.

Dubstep’s an omnipresent genre. With so many permutations nowadays it’s almost become a redundant term, siphoned off into grime, garage and 2-step. Suddenly I recall my review of James Blake’s Cmyk EP in my quest for vinyl. Without hesitation I head to boutique store Boomkat.com to acquire said release. It becomes apparent that I don’t maintain my opinion in solidarity; the review reads “Massively anticipated soul futurism from James Blake”.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but soul futurism doesn’t seem to mean anything. By definition it’s impossible for electronic music to have ‘soul’; and futurism?! Are you just a massive James Blunt? It’s as though Dan Ashcrofts idiots have been drafted to categorise music with the brief “Use words, etc.” That’s well no way, yeah.

Another one, referring to Joy Orbison’s Hyph Mngo. “That ubiquitous track managed to single-handedly haul the UK out of recession by the sheer power of hands-in-the-air.” Have you considered that no, this didn’t or couldn’t possibly happen. I can see the metaphorical relevance of hauling the UK out of recession with ones hands, but as a credible solution perhaps suggest it to Mr. Zoponopolis.

That’s it. I’ve had enough. I can’t find any music I want that doesn’t carry a preposterous tagline. Although “retro glitch dance” sounds interesting. Who’s Cher?