"Fuck them pagans in Cumbria." - Wiley
"I've been noticing gravity since I was very young." - Cameron Diaz
"I might fade into Bolivian." - Mike Tyson
What do we do?! Usually drink, usually dance, usually bubble. Except for the summer of 2020 when we were all locked indoors...
Festival season is well underway but this time around we've been forced to do things a little differently given that most of us don't have the luxury of a field, a sound system and some portaloos in our back garden. Except for your posh mates...
Perhaps this is the year that you recreate that "festival experience" by getting ketted in your bedroom? Maybe do some balloons at 9am over a bowl of frosties? Keep your beers in a warm cupboard under the stairs and shake them all before opening? Try going four days without a shower and use one piece of loo roll per toilet trip? Just an idea, anyway..
Elsewhere the lockdown has brought with it a new type of person whom we've all grown to detest and if you don't know this person that means your it. I introduce to you Mr or Misses "Busy That Night".
Who are these people? How are you so busy? What are you doing? Where can you possibly be going?
I have spent the last eight weeks of my life doing absolutely f**k all, at no point have I described myself as being "busy that night". The ultimate conclusion of this is that I have no friends so if anyone fancies inviting me to a quiz, a virtual gathering or an online festival I am ready and waiting. Equipped with all the warm beer, out of date pharmaceuticals and smells of a three day bender you could ever ask for. Tap us a snout please though, yeah?
Here's the bloody internet...
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